Thursday, January 3, 2013

Enter the God Mode "Ways to Die" Contest


Tell Me Again…How the Hell Did I Die?  Be Part of Video Game History!
   
ATLUS and Old School Games announce the “Ways to Die” Contest for God Mode.
   
For the first time in the history of 4-Person co-op XBLA, PSN and PC shooters (we think) comes an all-new and exciting contest.  
   
WHAT IS IT?
When you play God Mode, you are already dead.  We want you to tell us how your character met his fate.  In other words what act of stupidity or simple bad luck sent you on your journey to the Maze of Hades?  Why you ask?  What is the grand prize?  Well, it’s legendary!

  ·         Submissions that make us laugh or cringe more than the others will get selected and recorded by our hilariously annoying Spirit Guide for inclusion in the game.   We aren’t limiting the number of entries that get in.  If it’s good, you might just hear it in the game.

  ·         You win, and you also get a game credit in the “Special Thanks” category.
   
RULES
What are the rules you ask?  Well, fortunately God Mode is an M-rated game so we have some leeway with submission content, but we ask you to please adhere to the following rules when submitting entries:

  ·         No mentions of brand names (if it has a TM or © or ®, that’s a good hint that it can’t be mentioned).  You might hate that fast food chain down the road, but if someone died eating its horsemeat burger, we just can’t include the name of the establishment in the voiceover.

  ·         No mentioning of real-life individuals.  Your neighbor might have the world’s worst BO, maybe even bad enough to cause a death, but don’t mention him/her by name or we need to exclude your submission.

  ·         Please refrain from using profanity in the submission.  It might be a funny line to us, but unfortunately we won't be able to put it in the game.

  ·         The phrase should be about 25-30 seconds long that should naturally break down into 6-8 sentences with pauses.  (Read your text out loud with a stopwatch!)  Here is an example:
   
“There you are sitting in the office at 2 am on a Saturday crunching to finish that stupid video game that you think will change the world!
   
You look at your to-do list and then the schedule. Back and forth between the to-do list and schedule. Suddenly something misfires in your brain.
   
Your eye begins to twitch, teeth begin to grind, and bowels violently evacuate.
   
A stroke at age 29 – such a shame. You’ve wasted your life making video games!”

  ·         Include your real name in the submission as well as an email where we can contact you if you win.
   
LEGAL BLAH BLAH
Oh, and there is likely going to be some legal gobbledygook on this somewhere on this site, but we just to need to make the lawyers happy here – if you submit it, we have the right to use or modify it as we see fit.  Sorry for stating the obvious.
    
SUBMISSION
Submit your entries HERE, in the comments section below.  The deadline for submissions is 11:59 pm PT on January 11, 2013.
   
Check back often, as we may post some of your ingenious creations on the site.  Either way, we'll announce the winner(s) here on this page on Tuesday, January 15th, so come back then!
   
Good luck and have fun!
196 Comments
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196 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Technology has always been my weakness. I never had the best, but never worst. I always had a feeling something bad would come of it.
      I just never saw it play out this way, in all my gaming and tech savvy days. I never expected to be killed by rogue machinery.

      How? The beeping..the blinking..the horror. A sensory overload caused a frequency shut down in my brain that led to full evisceration followed by paralysis and ultimately death as my organs began rejecting signals and imploding. Needless to say it was a bloody, gory mess.

      -Shaun Simons ssimons83@gmail.com

      Delete
    2. Being a paper Pusher isnt all that bad.

      Until your boss gets hooked on one of those "Insame Difficulty" RPGs from japan.

      The Office was rebuilt, only the strongest and wittiest shall survive now.

      The writings on the floor say "copier is safe!" but the blood tells otherwise. I take a step back just to hear a click and feel an enourmous force on my side

      Swinging Log Traps...

      Georg Klann -
      Melfice_1@ gmx.net

      Delete
    3. Baseball player extraordinaire, you were brought up by the best.

      You could catch and throw like a pro. You could hit any pitch out of the park.

      The big game. Fans cheers. The ball curves left.

      Today we find out that you know how to swing, but not how to duck.

      A baseball at 90 miles an hour to the face and you're out.

      Grondax IxThania -
      timmyenchanter@gmail.com

      Delete
  2. Horror movie obsessed. You had dreams of acting or directing like one of your idols, but no.. It's came to this.

    Retail. It's a special kind of hell that no one deserves to live through. Instead of making movies, I'm selling them.

    As i steal a peice of pick'n'mix from the stand, i panic.. Chocolate peanut. My one true foe.

    As i slowly choke to death, i speak the only word i think is appropriate, 'Groovy'.

    Jack Macdonald
    Jwm_02@hotmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  3. The bright lights. The athleticism. The spray tans. I always wanted to be a professional wrestler.

    I trained for years with my best friend. Getting hit in the head with a chair was my specialty. It paid off in dividends, too.

    After three long years, I was the champion in the local federation in our town. We were having a show in my backyard, and I was defending my title belt in a exploding barbed-wire death match. I climbed on top of my grandma's house and dove at my opponent, landing head first through a table and instantly breaking my neck.

    Pro wrestling is real, folks.

    Drew Blanton
    omgwtfitsdrew@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  4. Sealed away in your room playing video games non-stop, the only light a small slot carved in an exterior wall for pizza delivery men to provide you sustenance.

    After years you balloon to 700 pounds and your computer chair disappears into your body and you now travel by the wheels protruding from your backside.

    Then one your favorite game studio is closed. With resignation you lift up your legs and let your body drive down on your computer chair's base, disemboweling you in glorious fashion.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Sitting on a park bench, enjoying a nice sandwich you made this morning for lunch.

    Finishing it off, you wipe the crumbs from your mouth and get up, preparing to get back to your daily grind.

    As you get up, you sadly trip over your frequently untied shoelaces, headfirst right into the bike path.

    Slightly disconcerted, you look up, and notice a biker speeding your way, madly ringing his bell and trying to brake.

    As it crashes into your head and you black out, your last thought is 'those damn bike bells...'.

    Kendrick Leung
    akari.yakumo@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  6. Incredible drunken stupidity. You went to a local annual festival and you just had to get hammered at the beer garden.

    In your drunken stupor, you decided that you wanted to make you voice sound really squeaky and high pitched.

    Rather that grabbing one of the small balloons a clown was hand out to children you thought you'd go into one of the giant parade balloons. Don't worry you made sure to close the opening so the helium wouldn't escape.

    You suffocated, way to go genius. The rest of the festival was canceled and you made children cry.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Tired from your day to day life as a salesman, a proactive amount of exhaustion overwhelms your body and mind. Giving out lame speeches of selling lame automatic cookie cutters.

    Who needs those anyway? Suddenly during a sharp pain is felt on your forehead as red starts to fill the room; your cutter is gone and your vision blurs as the audience fades away.

    Boom. Head shot.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Christopher Bishop:

      ISasukesFriendI@gmail.com

      Delete
  8. There you were, working in your office like a regular old paper pusher.

    Suddenly, BOOM! A bomb goes off at the edge of the city!

    When you come to, you're in a hospital. Your hearing's mostly shot and you've got burns all over. But the hospital's packed, and you weren't all that bad, so you checked out.

    You took a train, decided to go back to your home town.

    You were just slurping down some noodles when BOOM! ANOTHER BOMB.

    You'd think the Hiroshima bomb would get you. You'd think the Nagasaki bomb would get you.

    But no.

    You tripped and fell into a ditch after you checked out of hospital number 2.

    And you possibly may have drowned.

    Hana Shazwin Azizan
    hanae0711@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, I'm not sure if second or first person is required! But I preferred it in first person, and here it is just in case:

      ===================

      There I was, working in my office like a regular old paper pusher.

      Suddenly, BOOM! A bomb goes off at the edge of the city!

      When I come to, I'm in a hospital. My hearing's mostly shot and I've got burns all over. But the hospital's packed, and I wasn't all that bad, so I checked out.

      I took a train, decided to go back to my home town.

      I was just slurping down some noodles when BOOM! ANOTHER BOMB.

      You'd think the Hiroshima bomb would get me. You'd think the Nagasaki bomb would get me.

      But no.

      I tripped and fell into a ditch after I checked out of hospital number 2.

      And I possibly may have drowned.

      Delete
  9. It's all you can eat burrito night at the taco shack down the street. You show up a bit early to claim a prime seat at the booth in the corner, right next to the kitchen door. Your 36 burritos are served up piping hot.

    A freak lightning storm knocks out the storm, no matter. The waiter lights a few candles around the place, and you keep shoveling in the beany bundles of delight. Wait, what's this pressure? Your guts start to churn and balloon, and you can't hold it in any longer.

    After weeks of investigation, the bomb squad rules that the city block was leveled in a freak gas main explosion. Fortunately, no one will ever realize that you rode the biggest fart of your life straight to hell.

    ReplyDelete
  10. When the Gods send a chosen warrior to battle, witnessing your own slow decapitation leaves a toll.

    The messenger god made me fly across the battlefield...into the point of a Trojan's spear.

    Aphrodite's scorn hath no fury, for she aided my rival and slain me from my lover.

    I must compliment Artemis' aim. Who'd have thought I would be shot in the neck for insulting her virtu?

    They say, lightning can't strike twice....Clearly they never met Zeus, especially his wrath.

    Zaki Hughes
    zakmanzaki@mac.com



    ReplyDelete
  11. You’ve been fired. As you wait for the bus home so you can explain to your lovely wife how it was the secretary who came onto you first, an ant scurries across your shoe. Like a predator, you stalk it onto the asphalt, ready to stomp out its life!

    SQUISH!

    You manage to kill that ant and give the front of a semi a beautiful red paint job.

    Oh well, at least now you won’t have to talk to your wife.

    Kristoffer Bryant

    bryantzerox@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  12. oops, i typoed... let;s try this again.
    _________________________________________________

    It's all you can eat burrito night at the taco shack down the street. You show up a bit early to claim a prime seat at the booth in the corner, right next to the kitchen door. Your 36 burritos are served up piping hot.

    A freak lightning storm knocks out the lights, no matter. The waiter lights a few candles around the place, and you keep shoveling in the beany bundles of delight. Wait, what's this pressure? Your guts start to churn and balloon, and you can't hold it in any longer.

    After weeks of investigation, the bomb squad rules that the city block was leveled in a freak gas main explosion. Fortunately, no one will ever realize that you rode the biggest fart of your life straight to hell.

    ______________________________________
    Matt Davidson
    nukkus@hotmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  13. You've been playing video games all your life. The challenge of the leaderboard is nothing to you, but this...this is something else.

    Sitting at the restaurant, waiting for her, the blonde bombshell you met over the internet. Two hours later, she never showed. Oh, you poor sap, you should have known better.

    You decided to head home. Waddling out of the restaurant, down the street, almost back to your apartment when it happens. You instantly regret all those years of greasy fast food and soft drinks but it's too late now; you clutch at your chest and fall to the sidewalk as your heart gives in and you wonder...

    Would things have changed had you instead ordered that diet cola?

    Russell Jennings
    thepariah4231@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  14. It should’ve been a sick day, but you only had three left for the whole year. The machinery at the cannery had been on the fritz for some time, but the inspectors had only come a week ago, and it’d all been approved.

    Always the careful one, you made sure to take medication that didn’t interfere with your reflexes, and on the floor, the other guys could barely tell the difference. What you didn’t count on, was for Peterson to have a seizure right next to you.

    You tried to pry him out of the machinery -- and on any other day, it would have been fine - your reflexes were great, it was your strength that was diminished. You pulled him out at the last minute, but your chest was industrially perforated in that same instant.

    You bled out, all over the freshly insured machinery -- and now there’s the possibility that some kid in another state will find a piece of your lung in his spaghetti sauce. Dead at 21: You're the secret ingredient.

    Darryl Shaw
    darryl.shaw@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  15. Question! How many submissions are allowed?

    ReplyDelete
  16. The joy! You just won the big jackpot! The TV's and your ticket's numbers are the same...

    "Screw you guys I'm rich!" you shout to the crowd in that sports bar in which you just changed the TV's channel.

    There you are with your winning lottery ticket giving the finger to everybody.

    Then you realize that you are surrounded by members of that famous bikers gang...

    Francis Renaud
    francis_renau45@hotmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  17. You are a car fanatic, always wanting something better. However you are stuck with a crummy old pick up truck.

    With no real income to support your obsession of cars you were always looked down upon.

    As you drove home you see three nice cars that were a little to close to you. Good thing your brakes-oh wait...they stopped working.

    At your last moments you thought, "Those rich people and their fancy cars."

    Brandon Chang
    nenopetbrandon@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  18. You suck as a father, you know that? It's Christmas Eve, and you didn't get your five year old son a Christmas gift.

    So being the man you are, you go to the bad part of downtown and try to get a toy for him. You see a homeless man with a toy on a street corner, so you try to buy it from him.

    The man doesn't want to let go of his toy, so he tries to fight you by biting you. After he bt you though, he liked the taste of flesh and decided to eat all of you on there on the corner.

    Congrats father of the year. You're dead, your son doesn't have a present, and you gave a homeless man indigestion.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Vigorously working at your job. Awaiting the time to change so you can go home. As the day has been nothing but down.

    You work your fingers down to the bone. Scrapes and boozes cover your hands. Constantly agonizing, you're finally free from the chains of manual labor.

    Crossing the street to get to your vehicle you escape from a car that almost near miss hit you, surely things are looking up.

    Home at last, you lock your car door and head to your house. You find your keys missing and your car keys are locked inside the car. You die of hypothermia sleeping outside.

    Zeb Smith
    VenomousPictures@yahoo.com

    ReplyDelete
  20. You were a music lover. You've listened to most every song from most every genre of your age. A new band is playing at a park, and you liked the lead singer. You set out for the park on foot one fateful night.

    Fate had other ideas in mind for you. A car came at you to end your journey for music and romance. In a brief moment, metal collided with flesh to end the music playing in your ears, your heart, and your soul.

    Well, time to take up another instrument!



    Justin James

    Ratheunbeatable@aol.com

    ReplyDelete
  21. Doomed to cashier at the local fast food eatery. No one cares that you dropped out of college for lack of the money.

    To them you're just some schmuck who ruins all the orders. Little do they know, you're just the guy who takes the money.

    Day after day you take the brunt of the abuse: Credit card machine broken, puke in the bathrooms, punk kids in the lobby.

    It was only a matter of time before you took up bomb-making as a hobby.

    An allergy to tomatoes should've been the least of their worries...

    Joe Maldonado
    bloodyrave@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  22. You wake up in the middle of a full moon as you hear a crashing during the darkest hour.

    Quickly, you grab the gun lying underneath your pillow and rush into the cold, rainy night only to find a distorted, shadowy figure.

    Pointing the gun at your own skull, you mutter the word "Persona".

    BANG. You died. Why did you even shoot yourself in the first place? No wonder why your arcana was the fool.

    Jason Ho
    jho360@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  23. You wanted to go out in a spectacular blaze of glory. You scouted the highest cliffside, boarded your motorcycle, and strapped a fearsome lion into the sidecar.

    Dual-wielding double-neck guitars, you gunned it over the edge of the cliff. Guitars raised high overhead, a lightning bolt struck a perfect riff--the air was ablaze with rock!

    And you were turned to ash.

    The lion's parachute deployed, and it landed safely in the jungle below.

    Tim Cody
    timcody@timcodywrites.com

    ReplyDelete
  24. One night you find a peculiar image that strikes your fancy, unlike anything you have ever encountered on the internet.

    Blinds closed, lights dimmed, you pour through image boards to satisfy your new addiction as your master hand oscillates your inner being.

    Your soul reached its climax as your heart faints from the intense meditation.

    You may have went out young, but you went out as a god.

    Peter Barton
    peter.barton89@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  25. You find yourself standing in front of the marvelous ruler of the land, the King!

    "By graces", the King exclaims, "Will thou save our land? You're our only hope!" You recall you've been in this situation many a time before and know how this routine goes.

    "Nay" you reply, "I'm busy." firmly believing the King will repeat himself.

    "Oh, okay", the King replies. "We'll find someone else."

    You sulk home and live out the rest of your life basking in your meaningless existence.

    Jesse Land
    neoness@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  26. And so I walked through the cemetary on a cold dark night, waiting for something to go horribly right. I peered through the darkness to see my contact with briefcase and shovel in hand. Patting down some dirt he says to me, after I fill his briefcase with money, "First one's in the ground, second will be buried next to him". He points to an open coffin with a body filling half of it. I move away and walk into the coffin and he closes it and finishs his job.

    William Slye
    13wolfblue@live.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. for the last sentence I mean "I move away and slip into the coffin and he closes it and finishes his job, not caring at all of my screams".

      Delete
  27. I died of heart disease. And there's nothing funny about it.

    Oh, it happened at a circus though...so that's kinda funny. Man those clowns just don't know proper CPR. Every time they tried to give me mouth to mouth, after I collapsed, they just kept pulling handkerchiefs out of my mouth. What the shit, man? Call an ambulance...

    ReplyDelete
  28. A drab day, as it has always been. You get up and go to work. You press some stamps, you lick an envelope. You go home. Day after day of the same routine, some would say, would turn you insane.

    Once again, you stamp and sign a few redundant documents, and stare blankly out the window. A life of just....this? Is this all that the gods could have made of you? Were you that pointless of an existence, that all you could possibly do was absent-mindedly stab pieces of paper with rubber and ink?

    Suddenly, you feel a wave of ambition.

    "NO!" you scream, startling many of the other zombies around you. You make for the door. "My life doesn't have to be like this!" you shout as you stumble onto the street. People stare and you ignore them. "I'm going to make my life meaningful for once! I'm going to actually BE somebody!!"

    Still, people stand and stare, as if trapped in time.. You raise your head and arms toward the sky and drop to your knees. "I don't know if you're real or not, but mark my words! I WILL SURVI-" CRUNCH!!
    And the bus skidded to a stop.

    Poor bastard never saw it coming.

    Cairan Spencer
    cairan.spencer@hotmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  29. Stepping forth from your humble abode, you look up to the sun and smile. "What a beautiful day," you state so proudly, for it was perfect for this special occasion.

    You see, you're to be wed today, with the spouse of your dreams. Clad in a freshly cleaned suit, dressed to impress, you begin your walk to the chapel right down the road.

    A car drives by, splashing mud towards you, but a slick maneuver saves your style. A cake falls from a window, frosting an inch from your face, but still your suit remains pristine.

    With a sigh and a chuckle, you wipe your brow, commenting "Wooh, that was close!" As you continue your stride, with your head held high, your foot is misplaced, trying to find footing where none can be found.

    Unfortunately, you stepped into the sewage, suit and you drowned by the muck.

    Kevin Behan
    xigo-xigo@hotmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  30. I always found myself wondering: why did the chicken cross the road? What drove him to do so?

    So one day, I decided to find an answer to this age-old question, and bought a chicken.

    I then laid it beside a road, and followed it.

    Only thing is, I never saw the truck heading my way.

    My only regret is that I never knew why my chicken did cross the road.

    Julien Bélanger
    lithium29@hotmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  31. One night you're approached by a tall man in a trench-coat followed by a little monkey.

    "If you give me five dollars," the tall man says, "I'll give the monkey a little red wrench and he'll take out your kneecaps and bash in your brains."

    Now maybe somewhere in your head you know this is a bad idea but you're just too drunk right now to think anything other than "I gotta see this."

    Skinner McLane
    kirick_ages@hotmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  32. Working at the counter, you were, when your time came to an end. Within a shop that your family owned, with neighbors kind and old.

    The place was empty, as quiet as a peaceful night. Dozing off you were, when a man came up to the counter, glimmering metal in his hand.

    Snapping from your daze, your eyes met his, as he rose his pistol to your brow. His young lips sneered as he commanded, "give me everything you got".

    You smirked. You grinned. You knew the people from here. You said "Put down the gun kid. Besides, you don't have the gall to shoot."

    He did.

    Kevin Behan
    xigo-xigo@hotmail.com

    ((Well. This is one way to spend a depressing night.))

    ReplyDelete
  33. “There was a thing in the corner, it was dark but you could see it there. Something twisted and awful, it filled you with unnatural dread.

    A voice told you not to worry, there was no need for alarm. It was only watching, all the rumors said.

    Comforted by these words, unconcerned with where they came from, you drift again to sleep.

    It wasn't only watching."

    ReplyDelete
  34. Grinning with delight, your fingers smashed down as you engaged in deadly combat. Wrestling with your foe, you took him down with practiced ease, a loud exclamation of victory escaping you when a voice said 'WINNER'.

    Leaning back, you took tally of the event. Victory two-hundred sixty nine that day, a day dedicated to a marathon of your favorite game. It was a great way to spend time, the only way to spend time, when you just wanted to take out your stress.

    A hand reaching for a nearby bag of cheese puffs, your mouth opened wide as you squeezed down on the crinkling container. With a loud pop it exploded, the misty cheese of a year-old package bursting out, taking over the air.

    You gasped in shock, breathing in the foul cheese-saturated air. Collapsing from your chair, you expired swiftly, suffocating from the orange death.

    Kevin Behan
    xigo-xigo@hotmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  35. Walking home, you saw a black cat. While avoiding it, you stepped under a ladder into a mirror, smashing it instantly.

    You grew fearful of the incoming bad luck, but made it home with nothing out of the ordinary.

    At this point, you were incredibly paranoid and locked yourself in the basement, refusing to move until the bad luck occurred.

    It truly is a pity that no one realized you were there, as you didn't have food but were too scared to get some.

    Sean Monson
    sean.monson@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  36. A trickle of sweat made its way down your neck as you saw it speeding right towards you. A mis-throw by the opposing quarter-back gave your opportunity to show the team what you could really do. What you were born to do.

    Speeding and zipping up the field, you dodged man after man. Ten yards. Twenty. Thirty. First down. A cheer from the crowd told you just how amazing you were.

    Just when it couldn't get any better, it didn't. A hunk of muscle tackled you from the side. Knocking you to the ground, as you struggled to maintain a grip on the pigskin. Then, another tackled him to the ground. Then one tackled him. And another. And another. And another.

    You didn't make it out of the pile.

    Kevin Behan
    xigo-xigo@hotmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  37. Sure he was someone else's guy, but you didn't care. Rich, handsome and smart enough to leave his wife, your future was secure. After he got back from his lunch, you could start living the good life.

    But sometimes karma comes to bite us in the butt or in your case, a peanut allergy from Hell that caused you tongue to swell-up and choke you the second you locked lips. Dang peanut butter sandwich.

    Carrie Kube
    carrie.kube1@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  38. I die cuz of a girl love to much and eat to much lol

    ReplyDelete
  39. You were determined to win that game of poker against your rival; they were always better than you at everything else, and you were determined to win. You were almost out of money, and had lost almost every single round.

    Now you've bet the last of your chips, all or nothing. You broke out in a cold sweat, held your breath, and passed out, right there, hitting your head on the table.

    It seems that you had forgotten to take a break to grab a drink, and passed out from thirst, receiving a fatal concussion when your head hit the solid poker table, and you never woke up.

    ReplyDelete
  40. My poor unfortunate character had a very sad humiliating death. He was always a guy who kept his head down. One day he heard that his favorite rock band would be in town he decided to give life a go and go out for once.

    He picks up his tickets and he goes there his life fell into place magically, while waiting in outdoor concert he made friends and maybe even a girlfriend(time didn't reveal if it would have gone all the way sadly for him).

    As soon as the music started poor Jimmy started getting pushed around in the mosh pit, bouncing off from one guy to another. Until he eventually he came into a full forced head swing from a metal head(even if it was just skull it might as well been real metal). Smashing his head killing him instantly as he was always a runt, here's the sad part: the friends he made totally forgot about him and went home.

    ReplyDelete
  41. Guarding King's Palace is not an easy thing to do. You wake up at dawn and there's no stopping until mid-day. At least you've got to cool down a bit.

    But not today. As you were looking at the sky, a figure landed over you and handed your throat with a blade. As your consciousness fades out, your eyes were closed without your consent and you hear the last words you'll ever hear.

    Requiescat in pace.

    Emre Can Ölmez
    tycerax@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  42. This was it, the end, YOUR end. With the starry sky stretched out before you, you take one last look at the world. The world had done nothing wrong. 'Twas only you, and your own lack of worth.

    Despite being nearly 50 stories up, you don't look down. Instead, you look up. Up towards the heavens, towards the freedom that is the sky.

    You turn around, and take one last deep breath and then... you fall. The cool night air rushes your body until it's over. Your last thought was: "I'm free"

    Matthew Zitka
    feathdemonlord@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  43. It was suppose to be a prop, I borrowed the custom gun from a friend it was suppose to complete my cosplay outfit. I was hot to trot.

    The school girl outfit, the headsets and the gun.

    Once on stage, the cheers were wild. I took the stance and a grin crossed my face as I pulled the trigger.

    Here I thought I would be the Queen of the convention, instead I was the best act put on and the worst events to happen all at once.

    Jennifer Idar
    somethingcuddly@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  44. You're walking back to your new apartment from the Bistro at the corner of your block.

    Suddenly you're ripped from the ground with such force you blackout briefly and worse, you realize your sandwich is now strewn all over the pavement.

    You call for the police but you hear a faint cry coming from the now blazing building. You drop your phone and rush in.

    You find the source of the cry, a little girl under the stairwell. You lift the burning debris blocking your path to her, pick her up, and rush out of the building.

    "Why'd you do that? Your hands are all burned!" You think, just as a second explosion rips through the air behind you. "That's why..." you realize as your body absorbs the heat and concussive shock, saving the child.

    _____________________
    -Tim Simmons-
    MangaSketch@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  45. After weeks of suspecting your toaster was masterminding a plot against you, you finally came to the resolve that it wasn't.

    You know this because you took it apart twice, interrogated it 3 times in which it confessed nothing, nothing at all! Threats of being dumped in a unpleasant bathtub full of ice cold water yielded the same.

    You finish the final disassembly with relief, for you now can move on to the true culprit the blender. Something made you glance upward and to your horror and late timing, you notice the toaster is somehow plugged in as the electricity begins its arcs up the screwdriver.

    What a fool you were! It was the toaster all along and as you fall to the ground without a beat of life left you swear you hear it laugh! Its evil laugh.

    Kevin Burkhard II
    Phasmatis75@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  46. You had inherited a vast empire, where your father had the epitaph of The Great. However, the luxuries and pleasures of being royalty was your sole concern.

    You then claimed yourself as a descendant of Bacchus, and held many parties in his honor.

    It was, to say the least, grand.

    There had been a plot brewed by the military and the senate to assassinate you, but it seems that the pain in your lower half of your body and the pustules, ulcers and lesions got to you first.

    As you recall the final months of your life, you blame your death on the apothecary who must have poisoned you with his potions.

    Alex Henry
    helepythia@hotmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  47. I sat and I sat and I sat some more.

    I ate junk, and watched TV, and played some video games, and logged onto the internet. And I sat.

    For years, I repeated this behavior. It was easy. I was lazy. I had no friends. My parents were dead. I'd inherited their estate. So I sat.

    Then one day, I met a girl through a dating website. I was enamored. I showered, and I worked out, and I ate healthy. Then I sat, and I waited for her to reply. "Would you like to meet?" "Where?" "Do you want to see a movie?" "When?"

    Eventually, we went on a date and despite how nervous and awkward I felt, she put me at ease; somehow we hit it off. Then we went back to my place and we sat.

    Later that night, she said she enjoyed herself but had to go. Once she was gone I noticed she'd left her coat. I took it. I stood up. I ran.

    As I neared my apartment steps outside the door, I tripped on something furry and toppled down the entire set of stairs to my demise. My female friend watched in horror. And I died.

    What I had tripped over was a sitting cat. It never even attempted moved. Even after they carted me off, it sat.

    ReplyDelete
  48. Wandering YOLO St. looking for a fine piece of YOLO. Different day, same routine. Staring at the YOLO'd bodies you pass by as you wonder exactly when it was you lost it. Lost the YOLO. It was probably that run-in with the beast. That striped rodent YOLO'ing on the wire, just beyond reach. "No matter, it doesn't matter." That's what you whisper to yourself as you YOLO into the hitherto glazed doughnut. As the world fades to white you notice that the candle in the corner of the room resembles your unborn YOLO. That was the end of your life, the end of your YOLO. Exactly they way the elder donkey described.

    ReplyDelete
  49. "Benny, put the peeler down"

    Your parents always said Benny was dangerous to hang around, but what did they know? They were old and smelly.

    Looking back, that was probably better than the alternative. You know. Dead and smelly.

    "But I must have fries with that! I MUST HAVE FRIES!"

    Benny was a funny guy when he was on his meds, but today, you told him to forget it. Well, the two extra minutes you saved not going back were surely worth being carefully peeled, sliced, and fried to perfection.

    Ronald Ronkartz
    zincspider@yahoo.com

    ReplyDelete
  50. What a shame you never even got a chance to prove them right or wrong. Snuffed out even before you are born.

    The GODS have spoken though. They had thier vote and put out thier decree. Cast it to your Maze they said.

    Ahh but Fate is even fickle for the Gods, and what they have set in motion is far far scarier then any mortal can dream. And now even the Gods. hahahahahaa

    Simon Black
    runeheart@hotmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  51. The Panty Raid. A tradition at the University for generations. What could go wrong? Just a few pairs, and you were a shoo in for the frat.

    Bust into the girls' dorm, climb in through a window, and loot the chest of drawers for the booty. That was the plan.

    But wasps... you didn't plan for wasps. Not the nest outside her window, or the one who bravely followed you through it.

    You never knew you were allergic, but you went out like every man wants to. Face down in a pile of lacy unmentionables.

    Ronald Ronkartz
    zincspider@yahoo.com

    ReplyDelete
  52. I was walking down the street, hungover and miserable on a Sunday morning. Church bells were ringing, children were playing, and my head was pounding. I was in the dangerous self destructive frame of mind and just wished the sun would explode, so that I could spend the next 8 minutes laughing before the planet was burnt to a crisp.

    Morning service had just finished and even more giggling cheering children came pouring out of the decorative wood doors to the chapel, one especially was chasing a ball that began bouncing towards the road. The damned ball rushed right passed me and the kid right behind. As the old trope goes a speeding car, in a hurry to get to lunch was on its way to make this kiddo meet his maker. I cursed and dove to get the kid out of the way and ended up getting splattered across his windshield, the kid cried for nearly an hour over the scraped knee he received from me shoving him the hell out of the way. I hate Sundays.

    John Browning
    johnnysama@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  53. "What's the best way to relieve stress?", you thought to yourself. "A trip to the beach, of course!", your brain answered in reply.

    Little did you know that while your were dozing off to the sound of the surf, some rowdy young people were smashing watermelons nearby. A few missteps here, some bad instructions there, and BAM! A blindfolded girl armed with a wooden mallet mistook your head for a juicy melon.

    Needless to say, it didn't taste very good.

    Connor Elford
    elford992@hotmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  54. You're sitting on your bed, listening to one of your favorite songs. It's getting late, but you can't take your headphones off until the song stops. Before the end came, you fell asleep.

    As you were sleeping, the headphones' cable wrapped around your neck as you tossed and turned. You turned one more time and the cable tightened its grip, strangling you in your sleep.

    Considering how much you loved that song, you should have known it was on repeat.

    Howard Ly
    ly.howard75@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Alternate ending sentence:

      Despite how much you loved that song, you forgot you left it on repeat the whole time.

      Delete
  55. It was a nice Spring day. Your mother said, "With it or on it!" You then woke up, reminded by the fact that there were countless enemies on the horizon. You have fought the enemy off two days already.

    They had sent out their elite infantry. Shot arrows that blocked the sun. Your men appeared unscathed.

    Suddenly, they were attacking from behind, surrounding you and your men between steep terrain on your left and an ocean to the right.

    You died a hero; protecting your dead king from the hands of the enemy.

    ReplyDelete
  56. My name is Crystal ( SweetCreamOtaku@gmail.com )!

    As you load your groceries into the car, an uneasy guilt consumes your thoughts over that piece of candy you sampled without paying for.

    You finish loading the car and begin to head home only to encounter a torrent of wind and rain in the midst of rush hour traffic.

    You watch in abject terror as the road seems to be filled with nothing but reckless, adolescents whose characteristic awkwardness seems to transcend their driving styles in an attempt to personify their cars as children playing slip-n-slide on a hot, summer's day.

    "Dear God!" you mutter to yourself, and in a stroke of deus ex machina, you just so happen to pass by a Catholic church offering a special on buy one, get one confessions!

    Crossing over three lanes, you slam on the brakes and your car swerves and screeches neatly into a parking spot. (Whew! All those stunt racing lessons paid off!)

    Soaking wet, you trudge up to the building and pull hard on the heavy, wooden doors.

    BAM! The door smashes into your head and a thudding pain is all you feel as the darkness takes over your vision.

    Stepping forward, you ignore the pain and feel your way into the confession booth. You suppose the church must not make much in donations if they can't afford to turn on a few lights! You finally feel a velvet curtain attached to a small, wooden enclosure and pull the cord to enter.

    You sit down on the cold, tiled bench.

    A deep and gentle voice reach your ears,

    "When you are ready, you may begin."

    You hesitate. You begin your tale and after three hours of recounting the harrowing experience of stealing a piece of caramel from the grocery store, the priest responds,

    "My child, do as I ask and sincerely listen. As an Act of Contrition, I ask that we switch places and I will have you listen to my sins so that you may know forgiveness."

    You nod and let out a great exhalation. As you pull the cord to exit, you realize that this is a different rope. You hear a flushing sound and water pushes you down from above and you swirl into a filthy abyss.

    It's too late. You cannot hear the rasping breath:

    "I...must confess...I was once the greatest plumber serial killer that ever was..."

    ReplyDelete
  57. First, i broke open a pack of ramen and ate it. Then, I drank boiling hot water to add to the ramen. I also snorted a pack of ramen flavour power right after.

    Needless to say, I am now dead from the awesomeness.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Pack of ramen flavour powder**

      typo...

      Delete
  58. After a intense set of push ups I was walking towards the mirror to admire my body, while still out of breath and dizzy I dripped over the shoes I had left at the doorstep hitting my head against a nail sticking out of the wall and then the mirror fell on me cutting my throat.

    ReplyDelete
  59. A time-shifting dick-girl sex assassin went back in time and gave my father oral sex. Only once did he blow his cream down hir throat before she vanished, but within that hot wad of sauce there was one special little sperm cell: me. Into hir belly I went - thus I was erased from the time line.

    ReplyDelete
  60. It was a typical day in my jail cell. I snapped up the scraps they gave me, and I exercised on the treadmill for an hour. After I woke up from a fantastic nap, I peaked out from under my newspaper bed to see that my captors left the door open. I frantically bounded out of there, blindly rushing towards any shadowy crevice I see. And then I heard the pounding of footsteps approaching. I make it to a rooftop, but it's too late. The gigantic ass is making its way towards me like a meteor, and I...am...dead. I WILL GET REVENGE ON YOU FOR KILLING ME! -Hammy the hamster

    Rod Calumpong
    LeosVicViper@hotmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  61. You know, my goal was dieing. I thought the world had nothing in it anymore for me to live. So I tried pills, sadly I have a great dislike of pills and vomited all of them out after eating two. After that I tried to hang my self. Well let me tell you, you should always get a big good branch, which I did, but you should also learn how to tightly knot beforehand. I didn't and fell through the loose rope. I really was giving up to kill myself when even my pistol misfired and shot me right in the foot instead in the head. Though, funny thing that, while hopping around I tangled myelf up in the unused rope, stepped on the pillbox and then, like a cosmic joke, I fell on my little toy pony. With a big horn. You can now guess where the hole in my head comes from, don't you?

    Babette Vincenz
    reichan3586@yahoo.de

    ReplyDelete
  62. Don't end up like Bill Shannon; poor rascal.

    Loved to hack away and hear bones crackle!

    But now he's gone and dead

    The jackals are well fed

    Good reason to not let Cyclops tackle.

    William Shanahan, Shanahanwill@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  63. I was out jogging and I saw Johhny's dog running towards me. I hoped his chains were strong enough to hold him.

    Turns out he wasnt wearing any chain at all.

    I was rushed to the nearest medical facility and got my rabies shot. The "doctors" tried to pull out the syringe and it broke of with the needle still in my skin.

    So they used a scalpel and surgically removed it. Another problem arose as the scalpel was rusty. While the doctors search frantically for another shot that'll probably break again, I realized something.

    It was all in my head and I was dead five minutes ago. Johnny's dog left me alone and bleeding on the sidewalk.

    ReplyDelete
  64. I was out jogging and I saw Johhny's dog running towards me. I hoped his chains were strong enough to hold him.

    Turns out he wasnt wearing any chain at all.

    I was rushed to the nearest medical facility and got my rabies shot. The "doctors" tried to pull out the syringe and it broke of with the needle still in my skin.

    So they used a scalpel and surgically removed it. Another problem arose as the scalpel was rusty. While the doctors search frantically for another shot that'll probably break again, I realized something.

    It was all in my head and I was dead five minutes ago. Johnny's dog left me alone and bleeding on the sidewalk.

    Arnold Galoyo
    ajoseph023@yahoo.com

    ReplyDelete
  65. So there I was, on my first date (ever mind you) with an extremely cute girl. I was nervous as can be, but I still aimed to impress her.

    I made the mistake of taking her out to that new Indian restaurant downtown. Being the uneducated fool that I was, I ordered the Phall Curry.

    Second bite, my mouth was burning, but that wasn't the only thing on fire. By eating this, I had extreme... well, Gas. I didn't want to frighten her or gross her out, so I held in.

    When we finished eating, I was at my limits though. I needed to let the gas out, but I couldn't. Big mistake, as all of the gas built up caused my midsection to blow out, emptying my guts all over the place. It left me as an empty shell.

    To make matters worse, the cute girl ended up with the EMT that put me in the body bag.

    Bradley Harriger
    freyjador@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  66. A mad dog bites you on on the sidewalk from the way to work.
    Though at first it seemed like you wouldn't get rabies weeks after your hands start to tremble.

    With the help of the neighbors your poor family locks you in the cellar for fear of your bite.

    Two days pass shouting like a maniac, fire flashing in your eyes, until the cellar is silent again.

    They find you huddled against the door with a wretched look on your face that most surely came from hell.

    ReplyDelete
  67. They had made it seem so easy. Just point it at your head, pull the trigger, and the rest takes care of itself.

    Unfortunately, it didn't have the effect you expected, did it? It didn't summon a magical being from your mind or anything like that, huh?

    All it left you with was a newspaper headline of a video-game related accidental suicide.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh crap right.

      Henkjan Braaksma
      ccs_fan@hotmail.com

      Delete
  68. Philon lived (briefly) during the time of the original Greeks (on Greece). As the name suggests, he was a bit of a Casanova, and the rumors about him had women all clamoring for a “sample”. In fact, they said Aphrodite herself had gotten a piece and that he was savor…. Err.. FAV-ored by the gods!

    One (fateful) day, he caught the attention of a lovely full and voluptuous red-haired woman named Astarte. Fiery and lustful herself it didn’t take long before they were in her bedchambers on a daily basis making all fantastic (and new!) kinds of whoopie.

    Not too long after the two had met, Kybele, Astarte’s daughter, came back from a long trip visiting extended family and walked in on Philon and Astarte in the course of one of their (more experimental) sessions. She realized who her mother was “riding” and knew all of the rumors. Of course, in old Greek fashion, she stripped buck and jumped right on Philon along with her mother, not wanting to miss out on the chance.

    High Five for Philon (and the girls!) right!? Well… Kybele was also Red-Headed (BONUS), and also voluptuous and curvy (BONUS), but also one of the current chosen lovers of Dionysus (POOP!!!), God of the Vine (COOL)… And wine (YAY!)… And ecstasy (SUPER YAY!)… And serpents (SUPER POOP!!!).

    See… Dionysus was a “bit” possessive and might’ve had a little of the jealous streak. He just happened to be looking for his sweet, red-headed plaything at the time, and spied the three nude bodies in carnal knowledge through a crack in the chamber door. In his rage, he called up a basilisk serpent and sent it into the bedchamber, POOF, just like that.

    As soon as the thing entered the room it gazed upon the three sweaty, panting bodies. Being in the position they were in, only the two lovely ladies turned and saw the thing, which instantly turned them to stone. Philon (fortunately?) being underneath the two girls was simultaneously crushed and suffocated by the dual gorgeous, voluptuous, au naturel stone statues.

    Maybe he wasn’t as savor-.. Err.. Favored as everyone thought… Or was he? I can’t say that I wouldn’t mind going like that.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. OOPS! PJ Lorenz - phildo77@gmail.com
      And holy crap that is long. I will try and shrink.

      Delete
    2. I guess if it's a spirit guide that is speaking... He could say "I wish I woulda' gone like that. That's a hell of a lot better than lighting up near a cow with diarreah.", "... than choking on a peanut." Or whatever, In the end.

      Delete
  69. As a marine biologist, you had dedicated your life to the study preservation of narwhales. What and unjustly cruel fate that you should meet your end being impaled on one of their long tusks.

    (I was going for a Steve Irwin meets Grizzly man thing).

    ReplyDelete
  70. it came out of no where. like i was walking through the meadow and bam i felt it in my chest and i see blood everywhere and then i start moving forward and thats when i found out unicorns were real and they were mean

    ReplyDelete
  71. You were ready for this. You were born ready for this.

    It's the annual Drinkathon and Hootenanny in your local town, and you're going for the world record.

    72 shots of straight vodka in, you're realising your Irish heritage isn't as strong as you would hope it was.

    In your drunken stupor, you try to make a run for it! But the local fat chick on the dance floor grabs you for a dance! You slip and fall, and unfortunately so does she.

    Pair of exploded lungs and a flattened body later, you realise never to drink and dance.

    ReplyDelete
  72. I always wanted to be a swordsman. But since it is not quite possible these days, I directed my dream to be a RP freak. Good thing is you can carry some medieval gear with you on play sessions.

    I bought myself some gear from a web site that sells such things. So here I was, a full plated hulk with a large sword. Just like I ever dreamed off. It was not my first match nor be the last..

    Bell ringed and battle has begun. We exchanged greets from out of respect and took our stances. Since I had a weighing sword, I decided to try a low swing from ground. My foe panicked against my war cry and hurl his sword to me.

    But hey, they never told me that, they were using actual swords, or maybe even other people did not know that one is not the ones we use. As I managed to crush him to the ground with mine, his pierced my guts through my so fancy non dependable armor.

    As I fall, the satisfaction inside of me grew larger. I always wanted to experience something like this, but not a short term.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Whoa, that one is long and I accidentally clicked publish instead of preview.. Well whatever, here is the info;

      Tolga Songür

      th3__jury@hotmail.com (It is with 2 _'s)

      Delete
  73. I died while making a list of how to die...
    wtf

    ReplyDelete
  74. Dark, damp, and wet, you are scared out of your mind as you slowly creep through the forsaken city sewers. "Curse those grates!" You shout as you search for your fiancée's ring that you unfortunately dropped.

    When suddenly you hear the movements of another lifeform in close proximity. Out of the shadows appears an Adolescent Modified Samurai Tortoise. Friendly, he assists you in your search.

    After retrieving the ring, the Tortoise invites you over for pizza. Halfway through your fourth slice, you feel the most intense burning in your body as if your bowels were literally on fire. You die from eating radioactive pizza, contaminated by the poisonous environment the Tortoise lives in.

    Name: Cody Perez. Email: perezca7@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  75. Fourteen chihuahuas. It was just too many. As fifty-six stumpy legs pulled me forward, I could feel control slipping away. Of them, of my life, of everything. Stopping to calm my nerves with a snack, I began to choke on a fistful of expired hummus. It was my first day as an assistant dog walker and they could smell my fear. That was all it took. Led by the one I call Chippy, they descended on me like a pack of tiny bug-eyed neurotic wolves. Thirteen. I could have fought off thirteen...

    Wes Golinski
    wes.golinski@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  76. As a young man on the internet you decided to take part in the growing craze known as "No Shave November"

    You dabbled in many tonics and gels to help your manly chin wig grow. Pills, Radiation, even the dark arts were all used to help your hairy cause.

    By the end of the month you had grown the most wondrous soup catcher the world had ever seen. Growing all the way down past your feet.

    As you hurried down the stairs to photograph your creation, you stepped on your beard, tripped and snapped your kneck.

    Kyle Stober
    2inches@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  77. Rushing to the store for those last minute Christmas gifts for the kids. Consumed by thoughts of cheer, I run carelessly down the road to my local toy store, unaware of the danger that awaits. Oncoming traffic was the least of my worries on the cold snowy night of Christmas Eve, but the bright lights from the store ahead gave me hope that I could make it before closing time. I approach not but 5 feet from the stores shopping center when suddenly I fall, but the thoughts of happy children lift me from the ground and carry me in to the store. I grab whatever toys are left on the shelves and make my way to the cashier. She looks at me as if I'm disfigured or insane, but who isn't shopping this late. Then I notice the blood on a few of the toys and realize the large open wound in my stomach. Again I fall but the thoughts of Christmas cheer could not lift me this time. As I fade to black all I can hear are sirens and loud screams. This holiday season will be one my children will never forget...

    Paul Gonzalez
    Philosyfee@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  78. You were a man at the end of his rope. A simple man without a single, solitary hope.

    You yearned for the reason as to why you felt so low. But this was a truth you would never know.

    It was a rainy, and somber day. You saw a cat in a box on the side of the road, but simply moved it out of the way.

    Then that night you laid back in your bath, with a toaster by your side. Filled with thoughts of regret, and the cat, you committed suicide.

    Ryan Capak
    ryancapak@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  79. "She will never know," you thought. "It was just one time," you said. Unfortunately, one time was all it took.

    A man is entitled to many different privileges in his life, but one that is hard to earn but easy to lose is trust.

    To lose trust with anyone is a hard burden to bear, but to lose it to a woman can prove deadly.

    To all of those who consider unfaithfulness an option, please be advised: Athena smiles gracefully on you, and she will serve a lovely dose of karma your way.

    And you just may not make it to The Maze of Hades with all of yourself intact...

    Peter Thomas
    pjthomas87@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  80. There I was sitting in my room, 100 hours logged of gameplay time this was it the final boss. Room covered with cans I got ready to finish my adventures. Boss fell with great ease I jump to my feet in cheer of my victory to find myself slipping on a can and falling knocking the 42" t.v. down on my head. Died alone at the the age of 25 playing video games.....

    ReplyDelete
  81. I was just there sitting on a bench in front of my office building or rather my old office building. I was just fired a little while ago...

    I was just there sitting, sulking, holding my favorite sandwich created by my most favorite wife.

    "When I go back here, I will make sure I will become as perfect as this sandwich," I told myself.

    then I hired sirens and someone screaming...and wait was there gunshots? I can't here well from all the commotion.

    Suddenly I heard an earsplitting screech and a loud horn. I look toward the direction it was coming from. I saw the colors of red and blue... BAM!

    I never knew i will go back inside the office as perfect as my sandwich.

    Dave Cunanan
    tatlodos@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  82. There you are in 7-Eleven buying some chips to grub on. As you make your way out after the payment, a car pulls over in front of you.

    Suddenly, a clown jumps out with a balloon sword!

    Before you could say anything the clown made it's move and at the top of his lungs he yelled "ODEEEEE" and choked you to the death with the sword.

    At the age of 17, you've met your end by a jolt. That explains why you always have a sword down your throat.

    Thedguy Jean-Gilles
    jeangillesthedguy@hotmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  83. 57 Years of gambling. Scratch tickets, billiards, horses, slots. Name it, you've most likely bet on it. But this was it, after all these years.. jackpot! The winning ticket is right in your hands. Now, only thing left is to cash it in. While waiting patiently for the subway to arrive the ticket slips right through your fingers and onto the rails. You can almost reach it... almost.. come on! Your funeral casket must have been kept closed after that impact.

    Michael Carra - sideshow50187@aim.com

    ReplyDelete
  84. There I was, walking down the street on a winter's night, afraid something was following me. I turn into an alley and start running, only to slip on a patch of ice and slam into a dumpster.

    The dumpster slides forward, slamming into a fence at the end of the alley, knocking over a paint can sitting on it. The paint can fell against a ladder, knocking it into a second story windowsill and breaking the plant pots.

    The noise scared the cat, which ran into the other room and straight at the closed window, shaking the fire escape above me loose, still laying on the ground, only to have the ladder fall straight into my skull.

    Joey Callahan
    jbgoldengun@yahoo.com

    ReplyDelete
  85. A dreary evening it had been, the non-stop rain and heavy fog impaired your vision as you hurry home to your loving family.

    The ride home seems to take an eternity as you abide by your common sense to take it slow and prevent an accident.

    Too bad that the driver in the car ahead forgot what common sense was. Too bad that your reflexes are hindered by the tiredness you feel from a hard day of work.

    When the curve approaches and the bright flash of headlights blind you, the last image you see is the frantic look of the driver who wrecks into your car.

    It would seem that your wife's boyfriend was in a hurry to go to his home as well this evening. Losing both her husband and boyfriend, the grieving wife turns her attention to the officers on the scene of the crime.

    How handsome and strong those men look!

    Elizabeth Burnette
    megamirizu@aol.com

    ReplyDelete
  86. Hi! People say I talk too much. Do you think I talk too much? We just met so I guess you wouldn't really know if I talk too much. I like to eat. Do you like to eat? I used to go out to eat a lot. Eat and talk, eat and talk. One time I went to a restaurant and ordered an alligator and they said they don't cook alligator so I said fine, don't cook it, just make it snappy! They did.

    Wes Golinski
    wes.golinski@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  87. You never were much of a church-goer. Which makes sense, I suppose, given your death.

    Hit by a stray bullet during a drive by shooting. In clear daylight. On the street outside a church. On a Monday.

    What are the chances of that?

    They say, “war is hell.”

    Thank God, you don’t believe in hell.

    -Nick Pino
    njpino@buffalo.edu

    ReplyDelete
  88. Perhaps it was a friendly dare, perhaps it was debt to be paid, or perhaps you could not escape the pull from their ineffable cuteness. No one remembers why, but everyone remembers how.

    Kittens, hundreds of them, and hungry, too. For some reason, you deemed it necessary to bathe yourself in fresh tuna and then jump into a pit filled with waiting kitten teeth.

    At least your death was cute. For a second.

    -Travis Mason
    trmase AT gmail DOT com

    ReplyDelete
  89. you were eating a donut in your favorite chair.
    The chair malfunctions and its rising piece shoots up your rear.
    There were no survivors.

    ReplyDelete
  90. You were sitting in the living room of your home on a Wednesday afternoon.
    Your boss believed the age-old lie that you were sick with the flu, and you had a whole day to do nothing.
    The news comes on and informs you that a new species of tarantula has been discovered that is capable of flight.
    It is well-known among your friends and family that you have acute arachnophobia, and this news convinces you to give up on life. You proceed to jump off of the nearest over-water bridge.
    What a way to go.

    William Miley
    profninjaphd@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  91. I was walking over to my mailbox with everything seeming perfectly fine; that is until a pack of hyenas escaped a neighboring zoo. They ran directly at me! They then pounced onto me and ripped my arms out and ran away. 4.7 seconds later, an old lady drove straight at me. I closed my eyes, hoping that my death will be sudden, but instead she drove over my legs and crushed them to pieces. I was just laying there crying, until a man who was working on GodMode came by and said to me, "This isn't funny..." I later died from the shame... with a random poodle urinating on my corpse.

    ReplyDelete
  92. You trudge home after a long day curing cheese at the local cheese factory. Suddenly, you are overcome by fatigue and squat down to rest your wracked bones.

    As you stare into the evening sky, contemplating the youth you wasted, you feel a slight tug on your pants leg.

    Looking down in horror you find a steady stream of rats pouring into your open sleeves. Their teeth find every orifice, every tender nook, and every sweet marrow. You leave no mess to clean.

    Dennis Meza
    mezadennis55@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  93. I was sitting at home with an Atlus game
    That one boss kept putting my skills to shame
    Over and over to triumph I tried
    Over and over at failure I cried
    Out from my hand flew the control so hard
    That when it hit glass I was killed by a shard

    John Fakler
    faklerjohn@yahoo.com

    ReplyDelete
  94. Apparently you were slain by a narrator with an amazingly lucrative and sexy voice. I wonder who that could be.

    ReplyDelete
  95. I am the class clown. I do anything to get a laugh. Waiting at the bus stop with the other teens, I see the bus approaching. As the bus approaches, it begins to decelerate. I pretend to dive out in front of the bus, but at that moment, my foot slips off the curb, causing me to fall. Luckily, I fall fast enough to avoid getting smashed against the grill of the bus. Unluckily, the bus is going fast enough that it can't stop in time to crush me under it's tires.

    ReplyDelete
  96. You were crushed under the weight of a fat Italian plumber. What on earth did you do to deserve that?

    ReplyDelete
  97. You spent your time reading long, drawn out deaths that tried to define you as a character and forgot to breathe. At least you don't have to worry about that anymore.

    ReplyDelete
  98. You slaved away at a keyboard, making silly entries for a contest. You were sure one of them would win. Then you passed out from dehydration.

    ReplyDelete
  99. You entered the invincibility cheat incorrectly and walked into an explosive barrel. Try not to do that again, hm?

    And then he realized that he forgot to put his email on a single entry. Silly boy.

    ZeroandxPML@hotmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  100. I was on a school trip to the Grand Canyon. Nothing special was happening. Until the kid that only I seemed to see began causing accidents. I tried to save one of my classmates and that is how i was crushed by the school bus that fell off the cliff.

    Ken VanNorman
    kvannorman@ymail.com

    ReplyDelete
  101. You were just finishing up your local church's "Triple Cheese Pizza" Eating contest when an intense stomach pain made you flee to the bathroom. Slamming your butt to the toilet, your body painfully released this intestinal gas cloud so brutal it shattered the porcelain and tore through the very floor of the bathroom.

    You and the now truly holy throne plunged through 3 floors of his lord's home, finally smashing into the basement. Obviously dead from the fall, your body impaled on the very drain pipe that *would* have carried away your body churning diarrhea.

    Hell of a way to find out you were lactose intolerant.

    Jason Dvorak
    jasondvorak@game-rave.com

    ReplyDelete
  102. You have died of dysentery

    ZeroandxPML@hotmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  103. There you are, standing face-to-face with your rival, Two Hands Hans. Both of you look at each other with murderous intent.

    "This is the last our swords will cross, Hans!" You shout, with words echoing within the burning mansion.

    Ironically, your rival held two handguns, and he shot them out as you spoke.

    With all your might, you jump to the left... right into the bullets.

    Ellie Hizon
    ellie.hizon@live.com

    ReplyDelete
  104. You sit at your computer, wasting time browsing the internet, when a link catches your eye.

    "Be part of video game history,” the heading beckons. All you must do is write a witty story about how your death came to pass.

    Enticed by this chance at fame, you vehemently undertake the challenge. However, try as you might, you cannot think of a single idea worthy of submission.

    Minutes, hours, days pass as you search fruitlessly for the words that can assure you victory.

    But as your mind was racing, your body was fading. Starved and exhausted, you begin to feel your consciousness slipping away as you sink into darkness, with nothing to show for all of your wasted efforts.

    Andrew Schrader

    aps37@pitt.edu

    ReplyDelete
  105. You were sitting at the diner, eating a stack of pancakes and allegedly enjoying life. A cup of coffee sits with a milky swirl and so much sugar it doesn't even taste like coffee anymore.

    You're writing a novel, or a novelette, or who the hell knows anymore. You just write to feel like you're accomplishing something to impress the waitress.

    Out of nowhere, the words ring clear in your brain. They don't make sense, but they make perfect sense. You try to make heads or tails of it all, but it's too late. Your nose drips blood, your eyes roll back, the coffee crashes to the floor.

    If it weren't for that horse, she wouldn't have spent that year in college. You will never know what that means. Your fatal stroke guaranteed that.


    Joe Cammisa
    joecam@joecamnet.com

    ReplyDelete
  106. Working at a local landscaping company was great all I had to do was put trees in the wood chipper.
    Working one day I saw a women on the jogging trail or more specifically her bouncing breasts, as I stared at her like a dullard I completely forgot about my work, until my hand hit the blades.
    I ran around like an idiot and tripped falling head first into the chipper. I regret nothing.

    Greg McAfee gregory_mcafee@hotmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  107. Your so excited for a video game you've been waiting for for months to buy. You hop in your car and floor that tin can at 90 mph.

    You come frolicking out the game store with the last copy of the game, smirks and growls thrown at you from every angle as you brag at your accomplishment.

    Your bragging seems to cause one of the unfortunate customers to go butt hurt and he punches you right in the face.

    As if a ragdoll, your body goes flailing down a mountainside that just happens to be there and you fall to an untimely death. At least the person who assaulted you got the game.

    ReplyDelete
  108. You know when you just want to sit around and play video games? I was dong just that when I was playing those hard RPGs and I decided I gotta go pro.

    My eyes were burning when my bro comes in the room and sees my eyes on fire.

    Its like the game is coming to life! Then all of a sudden, I'm dead from that attack that's a one hit KO.

    Yet... I beat the boss... and died straight after that. Life wasted playing games.

    ReplyDelete
  109. On a quiet night while driving home from work, you decided to stop for a quick bite to eat.

    After pulling out of the drive-through, you look down into your bag and realize they gave you a small fry instead of a large! You SCREAM with outrage, forgetting where you were.

    Suddenly - POTATOES! While in a fit of rage over getting the wrong order of fries, you had inadvertently fishtailed a truck carrying several tonnes of potatoes, causing it to roll over. Thousands upon thousands of potatoes rolled onto your car and the road around you, slowly crushing you to death. Oh, the irony.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Michael Kalin - Michaelkalinoflfcds@gmail.com

      Delete
  110. Bright skies illuminated the area around you as you happily walk downtown towards a friends house, having been called over for a LAN party of a new game.

    Little did you know that they instead had a birthday party planned for you. A birthday which was only a few days away.

    Too bad for you, the truck carrying your birthday cake didn't know this fact, as you were struck and killed in a messy surprise.

    Coincidentally , your wife who is inside the birthday cake at this time will know you died before almost anyone else.

    Jinn Remona - Jinn_Remona@Hotmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  111. while arriving on my work i started reading my personal Emails
    and did see the line Atlus Ways to Die .........
    my first taught was Hee could this be more info about the new Dark Souls II Game maybe the new sucsessor of Dark Sould the Game where i did Die so many times a normal person would get insane.
    And i call my self not a normal person or els i wouldnt played Dark Souls and after a while playing that game u get in a state of pleace while dying all the time maybe even laughing while u die all the time Because sometimes it is not funny anymore how many times i did die or is it i dont know anymore maybe i get insane and cant think normal anymore and is this creazy game getting to me and putting me in a negative spiral while playing in those Dark Gothic castles and is it maybe time to play a new game called God Mode
    God mode now i think about it maybe they give u the idee u have God mode and then suddenly u encounter a laugheble enemy and WHAM u DIE thinking w.t.f. happend to me
    and after trying again with some fear again WHAM Splet DEAD
    what is this some new way of torture us no not again i did Die to many times .

    ReplyDelete
  112. Brutal it may be; tasteless it may be... anything is better than the way I died.

    My head cracked open, bleeding out into the running sink; my electronic toothbrush ground through the roof of my mouth.
    A brush of misfortune; the impossible possibility such a device could malfunction.
    The gears of my toothbrush cranked apart the plastic, tearing into my tongue, trailing to my throat and ending with ripping through the soft spot on the roof of my mouth.

    I bled out, thanks to my mutilated mouth and the canyon carved between the frontal and parietal bones; I died from my simple, morning routine.

    ReplyDelete
  113. It's not like I wanted to die like this...
    Then again, who actually plans how how they want to die?

    Knee-deep water with blood billowing out behind in dark red clouds, following the down-current.
    A single, severed Achilles tendon. Calcaneal tendon. Tendo calcaneus.

    Such brutality; such disgrace. Nobody would ask to die this way. Craving for the sweet kiss of death, wading in the below-freezing river. What will kill you first? Hypothermia, backed by the deathly-cold water, after lying tied up for two hours in the winter air, waiting for your heel to be sliced open?

    No, the blood would drain from your body before the grace of the harsh environment froze your body.

    ReplyDelete
  114. I thought I was safe- hidden away from the black suits and mindless drones. It would seem no matter how hard tried to avoided 'em, their robotic eyes were still out to get me.

    I knew too much! Over the years I had tried to wake others up.. but they finally got to me. After years of poisoning my water, pumping chemicals into the air I breathe, infecting my body with nanotechnology... my body would live no more.

    I tried to stop them, I tried to warn people. But the damage could not be undone. I felt them crawling under my skin, floating in the air around me.

    My brain and heart were their targets, a slow death at the young age of 31 for knowing too much... but it's clear my fight still lives on.

    John Milon xenone@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  115. To die is to sleep, and to sleep I will always dream.
    It was not unusual to say that men die. At the top of the tower, slain by who those I tried to save, a tear fell from me.

    They wished only to break the cycle, to stop the inevitable. Never before had I met such a power evoked from but mere teenage children. Their unified strength brought forth their fearless leader, who ended it all, and sealed me away. Alone,.. forever.

    ReplyDelete
  116. The Mr. would always leave the Mrs. alone in the tower while he went away to work. I, who was in Love with his Mrs. would always find myself sneaking in while he was away and keep her "company" and escape through the window,jumping on my horse, and disappearing into the night, before the Mr. came back. Aware of his Mrs. Nightly activities he would stow her higher in the tower, and i would triumph each time, visiting and escaping successfully. He couldnt stow her away any higher at this point, she was already at the top of the tower high into the sky. That day, the Mr. came back especially early, and like always, i jumped out the window, but i'll never see the Mrs. again, My horse didnt wait for me that day.

    Betty Zequeira
    white_flower_namine@yahoo.com

    ReplyDelete
  117. It was a quick decision being a drug Kingpin, always making a deal and always on the edge of death.
    On the corner of a busy intersection the earth began to crack, a small child dropped down only clinging to the edge.
    As I looked at the helpless child I was distracted by the well endowed woman who must have spilled her whip cream coffee on her chest as the earthquake hit. Shaking the thought of helping that poor but very very sweet looking coffee stained woman I reached for the child only to have my wallet fall deep into the dark crevice! In the thought of losing my money unknowingly I grabbed the child and flung her high into the air saving her as I wanted her out of my way while diving into the dark depths to save my true love, my money! I just didn't realize it was a very very very deep hole until I hit the bottom!
    Saving the child got me a second chance to fight my way out of hell even though the child was just in my way. I guess a good dead never goes un noticed?

    ReplyDelete
  118. I am a God! I am Feared and I am Loved! I have fought and triumphed in 100's of battles and wars raising my sword for all to see! I have Killed and Saved Kings! I am indestructible! That is until I ate a peanut? mama never told me I was allergenic to peanuts!

    Dave Perkins
    thundercrushr@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  119. The beautiful weather at the zoo made your grisly demise all the more surprising. You were so thrilled to spend this gorgeous day with the wife and kids at the new South American exhibit.

    The startled llama's unwieldy neck convulsed and craned. Sensing danger, you dove to protect your children from the incoming llama spit, receiving the loogie right between your own eyes.

    The coroner deemed your fatal allergic reaction to have been hereditary. Your soul finds peace in that you may have saved your offspring from the same freakish fate.

    James Boza
    jb.boza@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  120. You remember that day like it was yesterday, right?
    Thinking, calling your friends out, planning for perfection, you had your tools, got to that place on time and you even got a lot of money.
    Remember who got there on time too? yeah, the cops.

    Next time you better get that job at the office, because today you just got to the news and you know they like buckets of blood and the bank robbers in jail.

    At least you're not in jail, you know what they do to guys like you in it. I know.

    Alfredo Fonseca el_otaku@hotmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  121. Aaah, Liliana it's her name. You fall in love since the first time you spotted her right there, across the street.

    You two had meals, dates and in the end a nice wedding cake.

    What a shame! they say you would give your life for your true love, she took only your skin, she drank your blood and even wore your hair like a wig.

    Funny thing? the only part she left untouched was your heart. Kinky!

    Alfredo Fonseca - el_otaku@hotmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  122. The funny thing about death is that you don't often see it coming. This was especially the case for my untimely death. You see, I was the guy in the Mouse suit at the local theme park. But one day, one very hot day in southern California I passed out while wearing the suit. Those things don't have air conditioning you know.

    I would've been fine if I wasn't on the Safari Cruise ride doing a photo op with some kids from the Make-A-Wish foundation. I fell over the side of the boat and drowned in 10 feet of water. What a day for those kids. I don't think they'll be calling that theme park the "happiest place on Earth" anymore.

    ReplyDelete
  123. You were walking down the street. You passed by an apartment building and heard some muffled screams and yell...like a couple fighting in a room up above.

    At precisely that moment, you hear a crash, but you don't care. You don't attempt to look at what was happening.

    Too bad for you. A flip flop shot through a window and started hurtling down. Someone yells "look out!" but you pay them no attention, you were always invisible to the people around you.

    The flip flop lands a perfect smack on your head...death by a blunt object.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Name: Ahmed Anwar Al-lawati
      Email: ahmed.allawati8@gmail.com

      Delete
  124. Name: JonBro
    Email: extrastoragemail@yahoo.com

    Disgruntled and downright offend by the selection of scraps in the icebox, cruel hunger pangs force you into the wild for a hunt.

    Real and mythical creatures alike had best be looking over their furry shoulders today; you are far too hungry to discriminate.

    Hot on the trail of a tree-climbing pygmy mountain ox small enough to reside in a fishbowl, you don’t notice that loose branch. One more step and the prey is yours… SNAP!

    As you descend, moments before the fossilized droppings of cyclopean vampire bats pass through both eye sockets and out the back of your skull, you remember the sandwich you had stashed for a day just like this one.

    ReplyDelete
  125. She was kind of stupid, a little too apathetic, and smelled a bit earthy, but she was a very sweet and lovely girl nonetheless. You'd already been dating for a few weeks when you started to notice that twinkle in her eyes; one of ravenous hunger. Hungry, not so much like the wolf, but like A wolf. There's a difference, you know.

    You woke up groggy one day, unaware of anything radically different from the norm, but overcome by the feeling that something might have been amiss. Glancing over at the coffee table, you saw your beautiful ladyfriend madly devouring what appeared to be a rather large chicken leg.

    That's when the stump where your left arm used to be started itching, and upon scratching it you realized just what it was she was eating. Her bloodshot eyes suddenly locking with yours, she pounced instinctively, and the twilight of your short life consisted mostly of your face being chewed off.

    Chris Bostic
    cbostic@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  126. You went to the local baseball stadium, spectating a heated game.

    You reminisce of how you used to always pray that you'll catch the foul ball.

    You've changed. You no longer bring a baseball mitt to every game. Now you pay for your own damn pretzels and soda.

    Speaking of which, you've provoked your hunger. You turn around, looking for the vendor, who's never there on the right time.

    Unfortunately, timing was never your forte, as the foul ball you always yearned for struck you in the back of the head, killing you instantly, and traumatized 64 kids.

    Be careful what you wish for...


    Tyrus Tracey

    tyrusvstheworld@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  127. Walking in the yard on a warm summer day. A slight breeze flows through my hair. I sip a cup of lemonade my smokin' hot model wife made for me. I have a cook, I have a maid, I sent my kids to boarding school, my mother-in-law is dead, I am extremely rich and didn't even have to work for it. I have the best life. What is that? My legs are itchy. Wait, now they are burning. Am I being bit? What is that? Is that...fireants? Yup, that sucks. I died from fireants...

    ReplyDelete
  128. There's people with great luck, and there's people with terrible luck. Can you guess which I am? BINGO! THE ONE WITH TERRIBLE LUCK! "Terrible how?" you ask? Well, I was just sitting at my computer whacking it to porn, when I notice that my power cable's casing is broken open. But, I'm too far into it to do anything. Without going into any greater details, I was electrocuted with my hand on my junk.

    ReplyDelete
  129. My brother and I went on a safari.

    It was very peaceful,the skies were radiant and luminous and the beautiful tropical birds were chirping! It was wonderful...UNTIL!

    I clan of cannibals approached and surrounded us and we were terrified. They said if we brought 5 fruits each they would not kill us...yet.

    Me,being smart and lazy brought 5 grapes. My brother brought a whole FIVE PINEAPPLES. They told us to swallow it whole and NOT laugh or they would tie us to branches and cook us under a fire.

    I could not contain it...

    I had to LAUGH!
    It was hilarious,so we both ended up being roasted..

    My last words were,"Hey can ya turn me over? I think I am done on this side!".



    Email- persona_m@ymail.com
    Name _ Mateus Goncalves

    ReplyDelete
  130. Beautiful day outside so I decide to take a walk. I hear a shriek and turn my head to see a child falling out of a fifth floor window. I sprint as fast as I can and make a diving catch. Astounded by my amazing catch I the proceed to slam the child to the ground in preparation for a touchdown dance. The father rushes down stairs and beats me to death before I could finish my dance.

    Jose Paz
    josepaziii@yahoo.com

    ReplyDelete
  131. If there was one thing you could always be counted on for, it was to laugh. No matter the joke, internet video, random misfortune or even odd facial expression. Why, it seemed the barest hint of humor could incite you to uproarious laughter. It seemed you'd laugh at just about anything. People had taken to saying you'd die laughing.

    Well, you showed them. You jumped off a bridge.

    Dan Mastriani
    PowerOfQi@aol.com

    ReplyDelete
  132. "Well, you know them little red platic cheese spreader things that come with them cracker snack packs?....."
    "Wait sir! As he was dying, he specifically requested that no one ever finds out how he died."
    "Oh yeah. Sorry, I have already said too much."

    Erik Johnson
    PSN name: Tepid-Prince
    vuud1@yahoo.com

    ReplyDelete
  133. Found out one of his favorite idols is graduating.

    (Would like to say Yagami Kumi of SKE48, but I guess that would be breaking the rules. Perhaps the rule can be bent for this?)
    Erik Johnson
    PSN name: Tepid-Prince
    vuud1@yahoo.com

    ReplyDelete
  134. Sorry, I meant "plastic" in my fist post.
    I'll quit wasting space now.

    ReplyDelete
  135. And I thought that point an evoker on my head was a good way to summon an Persona....

    Arleen Silva
    arleensilva20@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  136. Actually, correcting the english:

    'And I thought that point an evoker on my head was a good way to summon a Persona....'

    Arleen Silva
    arleensilva20@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  137. It’s a funny story; I guess that’s how these always start. I met a man I hated for wounding my pride. So I gathered some glass and ground it up. Made a shake with the special ingredient, and left it in the fridge with a label to drink it. Just to be safe I made another and waited. On the day he was gone I silently cheered grabbing a shake that I thought just appeared.

    Brendan Moeller bs.moeller@hotmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  138. I loved fire and making it grow; making things explode. Then one day I try it with ice and now I’m just as cold.

    Brendan Moeller bs.moeller@hotmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  139. My wife, I love her, but she can’t take a joke. She blew my head off after one to many burps.

    Brendan Moeller bs.moeller@hotmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  140. Well folks told me to stop pickin at it.

    Brendan Moeller bs.moeller@hotmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  141. You're not just another anarchist waging a fierce war against the man and his government. You're the head rebel's favorite foot soldier and a really good juggler too! who would've thought?

    In a deranged plot to eliminate you, your jealous "comrades" challenge you to juggle several lit Molotov cocktails at once. You confidently accept and begin the less than safe stunt. you're up to six bottles now! You're in perfect form! When all of a sudden, BOOM!

    OH MY GOD! A police raid! They found you! As immense panic seizes you, you fumble and the flaming bottles come cascading down in rapid succession, erupting into a fountain of fire and screams. The police weren't quite sure how to classify what they found in that room. So they claimed it was a freak electrical fire, to avoid additional paperwork.

    ReplyDelete
  142. Most people, from what I've gathered, wish to die either in a glorious battle for their country or silently pass while surrounded by their loved ones. I didn't get any of that. Whils't traveling westward in a covered wagon, some sort of infection took held of me and I died of dysentery. *shudders* T'was a loud and painful death that I wish on no man...unless it could've cured me, of course.

    For whatever reason, I keep reading it in a gruff, English accent. Or is it pirate...

    Brian Montoya
    boyzby@ymail.com

    ReplyDelete
  143. Having sold your sword to the highest bidder for nearly the entirety of your life you often found yourself envious of the simple life of the common serf.

    With the culmination of one more battle you hope to have enough gold to settle down, start a farm, and live the remainder of your life in peace and quiet.

    Those thoughts seem so very long ago and your mind is a naught but a tumult of regret. Distracted by your thoughts you barely register the din of steel upon steel, the thunder of hooves echoing all around, and that you're lying in a pool of your own blood. Your thoughts meander to the once possible future. Enjoy them though, for soon they will be gone.


    George Lucas Hamlin
    Arcanexanth@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  144. You finally marry your childhood sweetheart, and your life long goal of becoming a sewer cleaner has finally come to fruition.

    Life is great, you feel as if you're on the top of the world!
    ... That is until the accident. Who would of thought that the rumors were true, I mean. Seriously. A Sewer Alligator.

    At least you lost some weight, she's been nagging you for years now.

    ---
    Luke Kinkade,
    SirDekar@live.com

    ReplyDelete
  145. You were challenged to a pizza eating contest. The loser would be fattened up and offered to a neighboring village of cannibals in exchange for peace. As a portly man, you accepted the challenge.
    The contestants chose their own pizzas. Your opponent chose three pepperoni pizzas. You chose three Sicilian pizzas and never took into account that Sicilian pizzas are square and are 27% larger than round pizzas.
    The 27% difference in the quantity you had to eat led to your gruesome fate and you were fed to the cannibals. You see, you never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!


    (spot the reference to The Princess Bride) :)

    -----
    Dan Buzza
    djbuzza@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  146. You always enjoyed the more traditional sushi, but one hungry night led you to try some sushi aimed at more western tastes.

    After a few watered down drinks and some particularly unsatisfying sushi, you suddenly have the sensation of something lodged in your throat.

    Trying to call for help and gasp for air, but realize it is useless as pieces of soft green fruit fly from your mouth.

    How did you not notice a gigantic avocado seed in your sushi.

    Avocado - such a ridiculous word.

    Richard W. VanDeventer
    ih_zero@hotmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  147. “Uh-oh. It seems you picked the green wire. Silly child it was quite obviously the purple one.

    And I'll bet you thought it would be a simple task didn't you?

    The bomb-maker even left instructions so no one would get hurt.

    “Just cut the exhaust wire where the red and blue gases mix.” He said.

    Exploded at age 23 for not remembering how to make purple from red and blue. My your Kindergarten teacher would be proud...”

    -

    “Well you of all people should be ashamed of yourself!

    You've survived car crashes, falling from buildings, getting shot at, and always being on the receiving end of a beat down. You were a stunt-double for crying out loud!

    But you thought you were just too good to get inoculated with the flu vaccine this year.

    Died worthlessly from a simple illness at age 31.

    I hope you're happy! By the way, am I the only one who thinks inoculated is such a funny word?” *chuckles*

    -

    “You almost had it! Even I was cheering for you from all the way down here!

    I'd never seen anyone come that close to such an amazing accomplishment. A perfect 300 bowling score!

    That's no easy feat!

    Speaking of feet... that's why you're here now isn't it? You slipped and fell at the bowling lane, and your bowling ball got stuck to your fingers, and then it promptly got stuck to your 27-year-old face.

    Those funny shoes they force you to wear certainly are slippery aren't they?”

    -

    Name: Cody Biddy
    E-mail: worlds_greediest_human@hotmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  148. “Your door opens wide to the onset of momentary blindness. White is all you see.

    After standing still for a brief moment, your eyes begin to adjust and focus on the street where snow continues to fall and battles the cars as they pass by. There is only one thought on your mind. Christmas is three days away and your gifts yearn to be gathered from the mailbox.

    The sub-zero temperatures begin to tighten their grasp on your extremities, forcing you to hide them in the protection of your winter jacket. Success! Three boxes have been claimed from the mailbox. Presents for Mom, Dad, and your sister Jane.

    It is at that moment that a car loses the battle with the snow and crashes through the mailbox and throws you to the ground. Three presently are scattered beside you. White is all you see.”

    Dave Molinski
    davemolinski@hotmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  149. Whilllst I was saving a fair maiden from a devilish lizard. I was attacked by a group of Italian goombas. They demanded all the coins and canolis that I had on me. Well I'm a mans man, and I stole those coins fair and square, see. So I started to curb stomp those damned dirty goombas. You can't trust 'em, they get around, see. Next thing you know some guy whips a hammer at my face. I narrowly avoid it before I realize that I've somehow pissed his brother off too. Before I even knew what happened my brother and I were in a tag team brawl with these tool throwing masochists. My brother scored the first blow, he jumped all over the guys face. I get ready to do the same but I misstep, and trip over a misplaced turtle shell. While it did not look like more than a three foot drop it took my life. One thing I know for sure is that gang warfare is outta control, and I'll never walk through that side of town again.


    Tyler Bly
    tystick33@yahoo.com

    ReplyDelete
  150. You were a hard working, honest man. Down to earth, optimistic; not rich, but not poor either. Alone, yet content and very happy.

    After a long hard day of work, you decide to walk home instead of taking the bus. "What a great day" you think to yourself.

    You stretch out your arms embracing the cold refreshing wind, and open your mouth wide, taking a large relaxing yawn.

    A pigeon flies by, and decides to get rid of today's dinner. It lets out its excrement and gravity pulls it down, front, and center into your yawning mouth.

    You start choking, but the only one around to help is a kid videoing the entire thing and uploading it to the internet.

    You choke on bird poop...and your last thought was: "Hey, this doesn't taste bad at all"

    Ahmed Anwar
    ahmed.allawati8@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  151. it had been a long weekend, but the marathon had been worth it, it was one of the best games you'd ever played.

    but what to do now... it was over... only if you let it be over.

    you get out your old uniform, strap on a home made arm band, and head out into the world to make friends and help people.

    the day passes by so fast you didn't notice it get dark. it's been a productive day, at least you hope it has. only one way to find out. you place the pistol against your head and release your persona.

    ...something must have gone wrong.

    ReplyDelete
  152. "Give me liberty, or give me death, eh? I don't think that's a proper demand when in prison.

    Especially not when climbing the fence to escape. You know, you would have made it out too, considering the single guard on duty had fallen asleep.

    But noooo, you had to open your mouth. Who'd of thunk the lazy guard was a crack shot with that bang stick?

    The saddest part? While you laid on the ground, bleeding out, your were just being put up for release on good behavior. What a naughty boy."

    Ronald Ronkartz
    zincspider@yahoo.com

    ReplyDelete
  153. You regained consciousness lying in a pool of blood. You’re certain it wasn’t your own blood for you didn’t feel any pain on any part of your body. You were exhausted and you felt as if you haven’t eaten in days. You had no recollection of anything, not even your own identity.

    Within an hour of regaining consciousness, you were apprehended by the city guards, and were swiftly sentenced to death by beheading by the order of the city council for a crime you’re not even sure you committed. They didn’t even bother to tell you what you were guilty of.

    Dan Buzza
    djbuzza@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  154. You’ve been experiencing a pain in your gut for almost a week; a pain that worsened each day. Yesterday you began coughing up blood. At first it was just enough to make your spit red. This morning you could fill up half a bucket.
    Finally, your body forced out whatever it was that was eating you alive from the inside. There, on the floor, wiggling around in the blood were the murderous spiders that were eating your insides.
    You were poisoned by your own children. One of them thought putting spider larvae in your food would be a fun joke.

    Dan Buzza
    djbuzza@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  155. They say when you die your life flashes before your eyes. It's true.

    I entered one of those tournaments where the contestants fight to the death. My first opponent was some uppity jerk in shades. In a rather unfotunate moment I mistepped right into the creep's uppercut.

    As my body sailed through the air, leaving "loser-shaped" holes in the ceiling, some clouds, a 747, and finally the O-Zone layer, I was greeted by a flash of images; chapters of my life, a depressing sight indeed. I caught a glimpse of my last love. She had given me some unfriendly advice to take a trip to a place I'd only heard about in church.

    As death's cold embrace surrounded me, my body among the stars' twilight glow, I thought about how I was about to make her a happy woman.


    Michael Hughes
    mkhughes23@yahoo.com

    ReplyDelete
  156. After seeing it on the video on the internet, you try the “Chubby Bunny” game out for yourself. That’s the one where you stuff marshmallows in your mouth and say “chubby bunny.”
    You feel you own a new world record of 88 marshmallows, however you forgot you still needed to be able to breath.

    Dan Buzza
    djbuzza@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  157. Your mom told you when you were a kid that you'd go blind if you kept playing with it.
    She was right. You became blind as a bat and you still don't have a girlfriend.
    'Til one day, not seeing where you were going, you walked off the edge of a cliff.
    Even if there was internet porn in the Maze of Hades, it wouldn't matter because you still can't see, and you STILL don't have a girlfriend.

    Dan Buzza
    djbuzza@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  158. You sit on the couch reading a ploddingly-written romantic novel about a girl on her first day of school in a new town. Vampires are involved. The content of the book was almost physically painful for you to read. And then you died.



    -----Blatant rip-off of Twilight/ Persona 4 reference, of which I take zero credit for.

    ReplyDelete
  159. Before your untimely death, your life was the stuff of legend. Magic powers, the respect of your peers, and the attentions of not one, but several attractive young women.

    That all changed when one of your girlfriends asked to "test your strength".

    In all honesty, going out in a blaze of light was a impressive death. But why did it have be so... purple?

    ReplyDelete
  160. Before your untimely death, your life was the stuff of legend. Magic powers, the respect of your peers, and the attentions of not one, but several attractive young women.

    That all changed when one of your girlfriends asked to "test your strength".

    In all honesty, going out in a blaze of light was a impressive death. But why did it have be so... purple?

    Matthew O'Donnel
    mtaylorod@gmail.com

    (apologies for double post, my information got cut off the first.)

    ReplyDelete
  161. Having been a sellsword for almost the entirety of your life you grew envious of the static life of the common serf.

    Just one more battle and you'll have enough gold to settle down, and start a farm.

    The clash of steel, the thunder of hooves, and you're left lying face down in your own blood; split shoulder to groin.

    ReplyDelete
  162. Having been a sellsword for almost the entirety of your life you grew envious of the static life of the common serf.

    Just one more battle and you'll have enough gold to settle down, and start a farm.

    The clash of steel, the thunder of hooves, and you're left lying face down in your own blood; split shoulder to groin.

    George Lucas Hamlin
    Arcanexanth@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  163. You wake up early one January morning and there is a slight chill through the house.

    The normal routine sets in, bathroom, coffee, shower, and then as you pass the window you see a glare.

    You move the curtains and it reveals a beautiful white substance on the window...SNOW!

    The boss then calls and says the roads are bad and you don't have to come to work unless you want to.

    You decide to stay home and this is a cause for celebration so you run to the closet to bundle up.

    You fling the door open and head outside but you forget to do something as you near that edge of the yard.

    What you didn't do was look both ways and you get run over by a snow plow.

    As you float up to purgatory through all that beautiful snow you think about how you should have just went to work.

    David Keltch
    Davicams@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  164. So you think that you have it all. Amazing weapons, awesome skills, and a track record that makes hardened veterans look like newbies.

    However, all the skill in the world won't save you from problems outside of your own existence.

    I don't know what a lag spike is. I do know that one second I was alive and the next second I'm lying dead.

    Scott Jacobs
    ilascott@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  165. He lived a hard life, working to survive. Finally, a lucky break surfaced as he won a free trip to Italy, all expenses paid. Just off the plane, he makes his way to the first restaurant he sees and orders a heaping plate of pasta. Turns out he was allergic to mushrooms.

    -jpmulligan@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  166. Walking through the forest, there is suddenly a glowing orange light... FOE. Dead.

    -jpmulligan@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  167. An ACME anvil fell on your head. Just like in the cartoons. Yes, that really happens. You've got a sizable lump protruding from your hairline to show for it. Your body folded up like an accordion. But was no accordion music when it happened. It just sorta went "SPLAT!" And you didn't straighten yourself out and walk away. That anvil killed you pretty good. Proof that cartoons are fake.

    Dan Buzza
    djbuzza@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  168. When asked whether you would rather fight 50 duck-sized horses, or 1 horse-sized duck, you laughingly tout your might as a sure-slayer of 50 tiny horses. Unfortunately, you were given the horse-sized duck. Despite attempts to escape, you are not a skilled duck dodger, and the vicious creature "quacks" your skull as it teaches you the meaning of fowl play. To top it off, 50 tiny horses then trample your broken corpse.

    Johnny Mulligan
    jpmulligan37@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  169. You ate some bad seafood you bought from a street vendor's cart. Before you knew it, it was coming out both ends. The type of projectile vomiting and explosive diarrhea you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy. The kind that you have to go again 3 seconds after you're done wiping. It never ends!
    You lose fluids faster than you can replace them in your body. Within a few hours your kidneys shut down and you died of dehydration.

    Dan Buzza
    djbuzza@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  170. "The day started off so well. At lunch you had won the gravy chugging contest at Big Earl's House of Grease.

    It's a pity you forgot to change into a clean shirt before returning back to your job at the science lab where you test the effects of PCP and hallucinogenic drugs on badgers.

    But congratulations anyway. Your personal loss is still a tremendous gain for science!"

    Rob Hlozek
    manpretty@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  171. I would just like to wish the best of luck to everyone that entered and hope I am within that winners circle. We all have sick death stories, some funny and some sad, yet all of them have some amazing depth and meaning to them. Congrats to everyone for putting great thought behind this and I hope we all win.

    ReplyDelete
  172. Oh and by the way, whoever wins or does not win, I hope to kill some wild and crazy sh!t with any and all of you. I'll be on Xbox 360 when the game is released under the gamertag Phil Osyfee

    ReplyDelete
  173. "All around you the air was tense.
    Dozens of people, sitting on the fence.
    People wanting to be recognized for what they make.
    Then your heart decided it couldn't take.
    The spasms and gasping were quite intense.
    Silly boy, you died of suspense."

    I know it's not going to be judged, I just felt like writing something while waiting. :P
    Good luck all!

    Ronald Ronkartz
    zincspider@yahoo.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lovely piece of writing. I hope this can be taken into consideration.

      Delete
  174. After trying to beat Catherine on hard difficulty for several days, your brain explodes.

    Anthony Wright
    Hanknova777@hotmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  175. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete